Vegetarian Gazette • 9/20/16
You savage! How could you tear that lovely package to pieces? that exquisitely designed wrapper houses a bona fide R.e.d.d. Superfood Energy Bar. You wouldn’t know that it’s good for you. The packaging is so sybaritic. Ingredients, according to R.e.d.d., are “11 superfoods (including chia, acai, goji berry, mangosteen, maca, yerba maté and quinoa); 23 vitamins and minerals; and 9 – 10 grams of protein).”
The ingredients are so exotic, they made our spell checker explode.
And, when you finally do cast off your civilized veneer and rip the package apart, you’ll see a bar that looks very much like a brownie. There are three flavors —oatmeal, peanut butter and chocolate. Bite in and you’ll get sweet berry grace notes and lush mouth feel that will make you shout ooo Mommy! Don’t think it’ll put you to sleep — not with its 35 grams of caffeine.
These are really too good to share. But if you attain some spiritual mastery, bring them along to your next dinner party as a house gift.
Fine print readers will learn “R.e.d.d. bars are certified gluten free, 100 percent vegan, 70 percent organic, low-glycemic and free of dairy, soy, GMOs, refined sugars and anything artificial. R.e.d.d. Superfood energy bars integrate innovations from nutritional science, natural chemistry and human performance engineering to provide complete, all natural energy.”
The rest of us will just just be raccoons and murmur, “Shi-ny.”